do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Randomize
