Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
Randomize
