i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Randomize
