First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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