Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Randomize
