Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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