i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
