I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
