I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
