I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
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