Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
you made out with another girl for some wings
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
