dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
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