I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
