the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
