His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
