I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Randomize
