She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
dude. I can hear the air.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
