it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Randomize
