I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
