haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
