Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Randomize
