I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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