I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
