It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
he told me I talked like a deaf person
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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