It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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