how can u be prego again
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Randomize
