Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
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