I'm passing your future prison.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
Randomize
