Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
