I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
My vagina is very pro this idea
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Randomize
