My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
he laminated a picture of his dick.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
