And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Randomize
