Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Randomize
