$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
Acid is not a monday night drug
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Randomize
