I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
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