We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
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