I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
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