Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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