Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Randomize
