She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
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