For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
