Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Randomize
