Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
