I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
