i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Randomize
