she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
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