she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize
