Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
