420 ftw
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
Randomize
