I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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